By Evi Chrysoheri,
When a baby is born, it is typically welcomed into the world by those bound to it by blood ties. Of course, there are many instances where an individual might grow up in an environment different from their biological home, such as an orphanage. Nonetheless, regardless of these circumstances, every person at some point in their life has formed friendships with someone outside the sphere they perceive as family.
One of the primary roles of a family is to provide care and material support to its younger members, ensuring their survival and development into well-rounded individuals. Even in adulthood, the family remains a vital source of support, serving as a steady haven of security to which one can turn at any time. However, perceptions of the family’s role vary across different cultures. We will be focusing on the European idea of what a family is.
On the one hand, friends are those with whom one shares common interests, beliefs, values, or even professional ties. Friendships can vary in frequency of interaction and in the level of importance attributed to them by the individual. Friends form a broader social circle and provide a type of companionship distinct from that offered by family, which individuals often seek. It has been observed that people with strong relationships within their family tend to have fewer friends, as they may not feel the need for additional bonds. In contrast, those with weaker family ties often display greater extroversion and a stronger inclination to seek out friendships. As time goes on and an individual may become a parent, their interactions with friends often become less frequent due to daily responsibilities and the demands of children, who require significant attention. Nevertheless, through their children, parents are presented with opportunities to form friendships with other parents or neighbors, fostering new mutual relationships that align with their lifestyle.
It is also a reality that many people are not born into ideal families and may choose to distance themselves from their relatives, even close ones like parents and siblings. This naturally leads such individuals to seek meaningful friendships, as these relationships can embody the sense of family they lack, the well-known saying, ‘You choose your friends, but not your family’ aptly applies here. In such cases, friendship indeed becomes a substitute for family, and this should not be viewed negatively. More specifically, these friendships often have a healing effect, helping individuals recover from past traumatic experiences, while simultaneously providing an escape from the loneliness caused by an absent family.
Moreover, these friends often become lifelong companions, sometimes even inviting the person into their own family circle to fill the void. However, it is true that a severe conflict between friends can lead to the end of their bond, something far less likely to happen, for example, between siblings. Yet, the existence of a blood bond, or lack thereof, is not an unchangeable factor. What truly matters is the willingness of both sides to seek reconciliation and rebuild their connection. Although a sibling bond can withstand more hardships than a friendship. Thus, we see siblings who never speak to each other again, as well as friends who reconcile even after serious disagreements.
Finally, another type of friendship that could be considered the closest to family is childhood friends. It is undeniable that childhood friends hold a unique place in a person’s heart and are irreplaceable due to the nature of their bond. Specifically, childhood friends grow up together experiencing the world for the first time in each other’s company, which makes the journey more memorable. They create lasting memories and serve as a source of support during challenging times. Childhood friends are present from the very beginning of life, making them almost like siblings. As a result, in an individual’s perception, these friends are often regarded as family.
In the end, can the question be answered? Can friends replace family, or even be considered as one? There is no objective answer and each person can only speak from their experience. For this reason, I will answer based on my personal opinion: I do not believe that anyone who is not a relative could replace the role of a parent, biological or foster, as that gap will always be present. However, I do believe that friends can form a distinct category of their own and can fill certain gaps in the place of family. Undoubtedly, both family and friends are essential in a person’s life. The ideal situation is the presence of both.
Reference
- Jesper Rozer, Gerald Mollenhorst, Anne-Rigt Poortman. “Family and Friends: Which Types of Personal Relationships Go Together in a Network?”. Researchgate. V 127, p 809-826
